Grace San Diego

Do you ever have days when you just don't feel like you should get out of bed in fear of saying or doing something wrong as soon as you set your feet on the floor? I had those days, turned into weeks, not too long ago.

It started happening slowly. I noticed it when I came home one evening and as I was reflecting back on the day when I realized that I said a few things I wish I hadn't. In my reflection I took note that in the morning I complained about a man to his wife. Oops. At an afternoon party I started talking about a well-known leader announcing to the small group of people in ear shot what I had "heard" that was happening to him when my gracious friend quickly changed the subject to save me from further embarrassment.. At coffee with a girlfriend I frankly told her that her parenting technique wasn't working, like I should know. Then other things started to happen. At work I faxed confidential information to a wrong number. I also hastily e-mailed a smart-alecky note to a client. For a conscientious employee, I was appalled at my actions and laziness. Then more things started to happen. I was getting a bit shorter tempered with my kids and not apologizing for my actions. I was getting easily irritated and arguing with my husband. What was happening to me? It was so unlike anyone I knew, but yet it was me. I was easily offending people, messing up at work, and just leaving a trail behind me of words that I regretted had ever came out of my mouth.

One evening after dinner I was telling my husband about all the regretful words I had said and how I was messing up at work. Still a bit aggravated at me for something I had said to him, my husband was still able to mention that he noticed I hadn't been reading my Bible before going to bed as I usually did. Did that have something to do with my unfortunate actions? That got me thinking.

A couple months ago I started slacking off on my evening Bible reading. I was picking up a novel instead or was just getting too tired in the evenings and hitting my snooze button too many times in the morning. There were other things I wasn't doing either. When I was hired for my current part-time job after a year of staying at home, my employer said I was over qualified, but if I wanted the job it was mine. A bit over confident and busy carting my kids to daycare and preschool, I started driving to work without any prayer time. Before I had kids I used to pray that I would be a good and godly mother, but now that I was a mother I found other excuses to use my prayer time. It was a viscous cycle and my lack of discipline and time with the Lord was affecting everyone. I was taking a vacation from the Lord and my actions and words became careless and less than loving.

In Isaiah 5:1-4 Isaiah describes a loved one who planted a vineyard on a fertile land where he cleared it of stones and planted it with "the choicest vines." He watched over the vineyard, but as the vines grew it produced sour grapes instead of the sweet ones he anticipated. This passage refers to the nation of Israel and how God groomed them but the people did not seek righteousness or God and in turn became sour. Are you sweet in God's mouth? Are you abiding in Christ, spending time in His Word and in conversation with Him? Are you seeking wisdom from the world or from the Lord?

Through my poor behavior and stench I left behind me, I realized I wasn't giving my day, my actions, my words, and myself to the holiness of my Lord and Savior. I was not submitting and seeking His ways. A bit too confident, I took life into my own hands and made a terrible mess. It starts out with small things and can grow into a bigger muddle. As we stray away from the Lord we start loosing focus and start relying on ourselves. In my example, I wasn't seeking wisdom in His Word and not giving up to God my tongue and my actions. In my human attempt to be a good citizen I was a poor example of Christ to my friends, co-workers, and unfortunately, to my family.

My challenge to you this summer is not to take time off from seeking God, but allow God to be in your life and seek His Righteousness and His Ways through His Word, through prayer, and submitting your day and your life for His direction.

"Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste. Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you...." Proverbs 24:13, 14

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written in 2003

This article was featured in our July 2008 Newsletter.

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